FATHER’S DAY

Thinking about how Dad smelled like

Mennen’s After Shave,

how big he seemed when I was small,

how he drank too much and raised hell

but cradled me when I became upset,

how angry he could get

but also how soft and loving,

how generous he was,

how he could whistle loud through his teeth

but also warble “Clare de Lune,”

how he affirmed me year after year.

About that letter he wrote after I grew up

“I thought you were immature, even crazy, but now I realize it had to do with your strength of character.”

After his cardiac arrest he came to the window to wave goodbye to me,

he was so frail, his eyes looked dark, hollow.

I wasn’t with him when he died which still haunts me.

Today I’m drinking espresso in the shadow of the Empire State and Chrysler Buildings.

I’ll go to brunch with Jeri,

go to a play about Lyndon Johnson then walk through Time Square,

chill out at home tonight, snack and watch TV.

Your great spirit is with me in all that I do Dad.

In your life now reunited with Momma, Bubba and Carol,

with your father, mother and sisters, I can’t imagine you missing this life.

But I miss you so much it hurts Dad.

I cherish the memories.

I’m filled with humility and gratitude.